the beginning

I've been "sick" for as long as I can remember. I vividly remember a period in 3rd grade where I missed almost 2 weeks straight of school due to stomach pains. I remember getting blood work and tests done as just a little girl. I never understood the world of medicine and why no one could ever figure out what was wrong with me. I was always very active and ate pretty healthy. I had a good home life and loved dancing, playing sports, animals, people.... but I never felt good. Once I started junior high, I was plagued with headaches that would last days, weeks, months on end. I had MRI's, was put on crazy medication, saw a million doctors... nothing helped. I was an honor student and hated missing school, so I figured out how to just deal with sickness and living in pain became a new "normal" for me. This continued through high school although I did start getting Cranio Sacral Therapy which really helped my headaches and neck.

My sophomore year of college is when things got really bad again. I had severe stomach pains, fatigue, headaches, irritability, constipation, weakness, weight gain, anemia, and got a cold almost every month. I went through rounds of doctors telling me, "You have Irritable Bowel Syndrome, here's some medicine." Basically, "I don't know what's wrong with your stomach. Suck it up. Take some pills to mask the pain." I refused to accept IBS as the diagnosis and for 2 years tried to do food elimination to see if I had a food allergy. Finally, by senior year of college, the stomach pain had gotten out of control. I was eating a mostly gluten free diet at the time, but I would still have stomach pains that kept me in fetal position in bed for hours. I couldn't remember the last time that I felt "good." I eventually saw a G.I. specialist who performed an endoscopy and said that I might have Celiac Disease but my stomach was just irritated and put me on acid reflux medicine. Once again, I knew this was not the answer. I then went back to my general doctor who once again said it was probably just IBS. So I was defeated. I spent the summer after graduation eating about 1 meal a day because I didn't want to deal with the pain I'd feel after I ate. I woke up with stomach aches, I went to bed with stomach aches.... even if I was having a good day and doing fun things, I could always feel the stomach pain.

So at the end of the summer, I decided to move to Portland, Oregon to have a new adventure. It was at my new job there that I found myself talking to a coworker and realizing that we'd been through the exact same thing. MY MIND WAS BLOWN... I had always felt so alone in this because no one had been through the same thing. She referred me to her Naturopathic Physician and little did I know that my life would be changed forever. I knew I liked this doctor immediately when I walked in the door. My first appointment we sat for an hour and talked about all aspects of my health history. One of the first things she said to me was, "IBS is not a diagnosis, it is a symptom that something else is wrong." I wanted to just give her a big hug. FINALLY, someone that was on my side and didn't think I was crazy. Finally someone that actually listened to what was going on. She proceeded to do extensive blood tests, saliva tests, and stool tests on me.

The results were that I was severely deficient in Vitamin D, Vitamin B, and Iron. I had a HIGH gluten intolerance and I had this thing called Candida. See here's the thing... they all fit together. When you eat gluten and your body is intolerant to it, it damages the villi in your small intestines and doesn't allow your body to absorb the nutrients that you need to function.... hence the fatigue, weakness, and reoccurring colds. So I cut out gluten and started taking vitamins.... that tackled 2 of my problems. But then I was left with the Candida problem.

Candida.
"Candida Albicans is an opportunistic fungus (or form of yeast) that is the cause of many undesirable symptoms ranging from fatigue and weight gain, to joint pain and gas.
The Candida yeast is a part of the gut flora, a group of microorganisms that live in your mouth and intestine. When the Candida population starts getting out of control it weakens the intestinal wall, penetrating through into the bloodstream and spreading throughout the body.
As it spreads it produces toxic by-products that cause damage to your body tissues and organs, wreaking havoc on your immune system. The major waste product of yeast cell activity is Acetaldehyde, a poisonous toxin that promotes free radical activity in the body.
So why is Candida a bad thing? Ordinarily it isn't - the Candida population is kept under control by the friendly bacteria in our gut. However, when your immune system is down, Candida starts to multiply and can quickly take over.
The overgrowth of Candida produces toxins that your body's immune system can struggle to cope with. The wide-ranging side effects of this battle range from headaches and fatigue to abdominal pain and depression.
Candidiasis is a debilitating condition that prevents you from waking up strong, healthy and bursting with energy."
[http://www.thecandidadiet.com/whatiscandida.htm]


So in November, I went on a medicine for a month and tried to limit sugar as much as possible, because the yeast feeds off of sugar. So I thought that was done. But here I am now 8 months later, still struggling with it. About 2 weeks ago, my doctor confirmed that I still had it... bad. I decided this time around that I was going to do it right. So I am embarking on this journey to get my health back. On the strict Candida diet you cannot have: gluten, starch, sugar, caffeine, alcohol, fruit, potatoes, corn, soy, pork, beans, some nuts. Yesterday I started a new round of Nystatin, a medicine that I have to take 4x a day by syringe, to kill the yeast in my stomach.

My life is a mess right now, but a beautiful mess. Sometimes I feel like I have no energy to even "be." Sometimes I am tired after sleeping 12 hours and then being awake for 1 hour. My body is craving exercise, but most days walking the dog for 15 minutes feels like a chore. There aren't that many people that I feel like I can be completely vulnerable with, so most days I feel like I have a fake smile plastered on my face, not because I want to hide my pain, but because I don't want to be a burden. It is not fun being the "sick girl" all the time. I don't enjoy the sympathy and pity that I often receive, because I don't really like attention. But even through all of this, I'm trying to find joy in the little things and allow myself to truly feel. To feel the hurting, to feel the healing... to listen to my body. To embrace this mess. To hopefully be an encouragement to others. To offer support to others that are struggling. To find comfort and to provide comfort. So here is to a new beginning. Hopefully the beginning of the END of these health struggles.